WW ~ #9

Short? Who Me?

Over the past few days I have had conversations both online and off about being short. Well not literally short. Selling myself short to be exact.
Here's the definition: It means you are much better talented, skilled or just a better person than you say you are.

One of my friends asked me point blank today "Why do you sell yourself so short?"

*Pause*

*Pause*

My answer and I quote "I have no answer for that."

I really didn't. I really don't.
Why do I say something brilliant and then take it back with a statement like "I can't believe I just said that?" Just for the record it killed me not to put (almost brilliant) in the last sentence.

Why?

Why?

Why?

I have thought continuously about this with each conversation I have and it leads me to think more and more about it. I can't put my finger on it. Does it go back to High School and wanting to fit in? WHAT?
NO!
I fit in when I was in High School. I had a ton of friends, was very active, highly competitive in sports and in the classroom. Couldn't be school related. Right?

Is it in the upbringing? Home life?

I seriously don't know.

There are only 3 tangible things that I can put my finger on.

1. I have NEVER from day one liked my name. It still makes me cringe when I see or hear someone say my name. There are only a very small hand full of my best friends who actually call me by my given name.
2. I have NEVER liked looking in the mirror. Still don't today. The mirror is not my friend.
3. Photographs, you would have to search long and hard to find one of me past the age of 30. I hate to see myself in a photograph. I am the one who takes the photo's not the one who is in them.

But why? Why is that? OMG! I think I need therapy.

*PAUSE*

*PAUSE*

Do I lack in confidence? Ummmmm.... I personally don't think so. I feel that I am a pretty confident person. But how can I be all kinds of confident but continue to sell myself short? Confidence and selling yourself short do not go hand in hand do they?

I now realize these three facts about myself, I have acknowledged them. Could they be the three ingredients are that contributing to me selling myself short?
I have never really seen myself as 'selling myself short' before, as much as I have lately. I think that it is much more visible to me when on a screen than when I say it for real with my voice. Is that maybe because I don't hear what I am actually saying? Do I actually block out what I don't want myself to hear? Probably so.
Actually those conversations that I have had and the thinking that I have done over the past few days have lead me to this revelation: I will no longer sell myself short. I will perhaps go to answer and catch the words before they fly out of my mouth. I will perhaps answer and not catch the words before they come out of my mouth but I will realize it right away and try to correct myself for having said it. Although, I wonder, can you really change yourself and your thinking or perception of yourself like you do when changing your lifestyle or eating habits? I certainly hope so. You know it's really funny what you learn about yourself just by putting words on the paper or computer screen as it were. It seems to me when I have time off to myself I learn so much more about myself. That question back up there ^^^^^ was the the top to my cake. It pushed me to reach inside myself and truly seek the for the answers I needed. Without that question plain and simple I probably would not have come as far as I have today just by writing this post. Seriously though isn't that what life is all about....learning, growing, trying your best to become a better person?

BABY DID A BAD BAD THING

While in the Land Of Spoiled Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing.

For My Cajun Friend

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson



Monday is right around the corner, stay strong, hold on, and know that you have the support of everyone who loves you very much.

Because I'm exhausted....

The party was a huge success despite the call for bad weather. Now I can officially sit back and enjoy my holidays from now on through the New Year.
Since I am exhausted and have a long weekend planned I'm cheating and giving you 5 Things.

5 Things I own

467 Compact Discs that's right I said it. I am a music junkie. Yes I do have them all cataloged and in alphabetical order too. For the most part I don't really buy too many anymore, only if an artist I love comes out with a new CD then I'll buy it but for the most part I get all my music off iTunes now.

Hybrid Mountain Bike & trainer. We ride bikes pretty much in the summertime, so around October it's time to bring the bike indoors and hook up the trainer. It's boring pedaling in the house but when you live in a 4 season climate you have to do what you have to do.

Gadgets galore. Yes I am addicted to all things shiny. Take me to Best Buy and I'm in heaven. I have an iTouch for music only, a Creative Zen for videos only, a Nintendo ds, a Palm Pilot, Flip Video, Canon digital camera, a lap top computer and a myriad of other shiny gadgets.


Love of chocolate. Nope not your ordinary love of chocolate. I rival all others in my deep desire to consume mass quantities of chocolate. Before my healthy lifestyle change I would have no problem in eating chocolate 24/7. I have been known to eat Death by Chocolate ice cream with shaved dark chocolate added (by me) and m & m's added (by me again) and chocolate fudge drizzled pretty heavily on top. I'm proud to say it has been 12 days since I last consumed chocolate. Proud yes....happy NO.


A deep love for the ocean. I love the ocean like no other place on the Earth. I feel so at peace when I am at the beach. My goal in life is to achieve retirement and find my way somewhere south. Beer in my hand, toes in the sand, tropical beach. A fact that isn't shared by anyone other than my family until now....I cry every time I leave the beach.

Next Big Thing Please

Today is the day after. While a successful Christmas was had by all in the Surf home, we now move on to the next BIG thing here.
That's right the annual Day After Christmas Party.
Since I have been married, the night after Christmas we have had a our big bash of the year. I guess I figure why not get all the stress out in one fell swoop. Don't get me wrong we definitely have other parties at our home throughout the year but none of them rival the one we will have tonight.
I have been cooking and preparing food since December 21st. I have been making lists and checking them twice, and those lists have nothing to do with Christmas gifts.
Our house is by no means a huge house and believe me when I tell you that every room with the exception of the laundry, office and our bedroom will be full with celebrating party goers.
This night is the most stressful night of my year however, it is also the BEST night of my year. There is nothing like having all your friends in one place at the same time. It is fantastic to be moving from person to person, conversation to conversation, and listening to all of my friends talk about their holiday, their year & their lives. So I will do my best to get all my food finished, have the sanctuary clean as a whistle, and my self presentable in time.
This is what the holidays are about for me, family, friends, good times & memories. So I leave you with some memories from our home over the past few days. It was indeed a very Merry Christmas, and I hope that yours was too!

Tween with her Great Grandmother

Having fun with the nieces and nephews

Coveted gift of boots achieved!

Awesome holiday nails for a special little 5 year old

I bet this scene was repeated all over the country...family fun around the dining room table

From Me To You!

From my family to yours Merry Christmas!

WW ~ #8

Slipping Through My Fingers

We baked cookies this afternoon for Christmas. You did read that right I said WE.
Today I picked up my tween after school. She hopped in the car was gabbing mindlessly all the way home. When we arrived home it was the usual routine.
Then my tween saw me getting all the cookie cutters out, the flour for the board, the rolling pin and the dough I made last night. She then said "Oh yeah, I'm going to make these with you Mom." Yes I knew she would, we do this every year together. Since she was old enough to stand on a chair she was making mess in the kitchen w/ Mom.
Today after one tray of cookies, she turned to me and said "Ok I'm done."
*AHEM* *AHEM* Excuse me? Done? You said you are DONE? She then turned to me and said "Mom I gave you a gift, I helped out with some of them didn't I? We got to spend some quality time together." She walks over, gives me a kiss and walks away.
GIFT? A GIFT? Who would have ever thought that a gift to me would be her helping me bake the Christmas cookies? This is what we do. We do this every year together. It's just something we do. It is not a gift this is WHAT WE DO!
I stood there for a minute soaking in that last statement from her and then it dawned on me it truly was a gift.
Who would have thought it?
This year there have been changes. She is growing up. Growing older. Growing away. She has a very demanding schedule. During the week we never even get to eat dinner as a family together because of her schedule. She is at school all day then gone all night every night for swimming.
So when I thought about what she said, I realized yes, she was right. It was a gift. Gifts come in all shapes, sizes and forms. Next year she might not even want to help with the cookies at all. That will be ok. It will have to be. Will it be easy? Absolutely not. This is what I struggle with on a daily basis. It is magnified 10 fold over the Christmas Holiday's. Mainly because there is so much tradition built into this holiday. It's hard for me to relive the memories of Christmas' past and realize that those times are over. I miss the days of the little tykes kitchen, the pretend play with stuffed animals and her sitting on my lap while I read to her. I will however always have the gift of the memories from this year and every year past. It's very hard to stand by and watch your child grow up and away. You have no choice though. It is amazing how time flies. I just have to readjust my thinking, see the little things as the gifts that they truly are.

Yay! Guest Blogger Today!!

I am very excited because today I have the pleasure of introducing you to my first guest blogger. Saturday night on Plurk I put out a call for help. I had nothing to blog about so I shouted out to my friends and asked if anyone would be willing to fill in for me. My friend MarK Carras stepped up the plate and said he would do it. Mark has 3 great websites his blog MarkCarras also a Hard Rocking Social site called Heavy As Hell and also he is editor of Rock My Monkey which is all about heavy medal music. Be sure to check out all his sites. I can't thank Mark enough!




So...I've never done a guest post on someone else's blog before. I can barely find time to post on my own blog, so why am I doing this? Just to see if I can to be honest. Can I pull it off? Let's find out! I think I will talk about the rules for blogging. First off, it depends on why you are blogging. Is it for money? Well, then things get very full of annoying rules that I want nothing to do with. Things like being given specific subjects and having to find a way to get inspired about something you don't give a rat's behind about. Sometimes dishonesty is expected. This is the main reason I could never be a pro-blogger. I have to have some kind of passion for what I am writing about. Most of my personal blog is mostly rants about things that tick me off. That is going to be at least part of this post. I can't help it! Now if you don't care about making money, blogging can be really fun. Just start talking about whatever it is that you are passionate about. This is the great thing about the Internet. It is world wide! This means that no matter how strange or off the wall your subject is, you will find others that care about that as well. So go ahead and start that blog about underwater basket weaving. Start posting in depth articles about your Christian Black Metal band. Be proud about writing about your passion for doing sculptures with the fecal matter of exotic animals from the Suez Canal. No matter how strange or off the wall, you will be shocked to find out how many others are into the same freaky thing you are into. There are also blogs about things that are not near as strange as the things I mentioned above, but still not mainstream enough to have a major network TV show in prime time. As a guy I am shocked at how huge knitting is! Sure my wife loves it, but there are a ton of people that are nuts about it. So what you do is find others that blog about the same thing you do and trade links. This is called your "blog roll". It's all about networking and you will find that the more you scratch other peoples backs, the more they will help you out. Well, I hope my first guest blog has helped someone. If you want to read what I am into, feel free to check out my blog at MarkCarras.com. I am also the founder of the hardest rocking social news site HeavyAsHell.com and the editor of RockMyMonkey.com if you care about heavy music.

Secret No More

It is no secret that I am a music junkie, I love my music. From the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep I have music lofting throughout my home. I have been on almost every music site on the web (or at least I think so). However a few weeks ago I was introducted to a site I had never seen before. imeem.
This site just sucked me in. You can do so much with it and I know I haven't even scratched the surface there. I have made 8 playlists so far. In the making of those playlists I have had the most fun that I have ever had on a musical website. The difference is the vast ability to search for music. I am not thrilled with how you search, I would much rather search an individual song instead of by a group or artist, however through the searching on imeem I have been introduced to so many new artists, and variations of the songs I love. Not only is the playlist making so much fun but the ability to go to my friends pages and listen to their playlists is the best part of imeem.
My friends have the best taste in music. I have discovered so many new artists through their playlists. Like their personalities their music speaks of them. I have started almost every morning since being on imeem at one of my friend's playlists. I have been entertained, surprised, and overjoyed by some of their songs. If you have not been there yet I recommend that you get there. I would love to have your music lofting through my home. My page will never be done. It will forever be a work in progress. As I continue to grow in my musical tastes my page will follow. So I am ending this post with one of my favorite new Christmas songs that I discovered while searching songs on imeem.



Michael W. Smith ~ Gloria

Real Experiences

The other day I read a blog post by one of my online plurk friends sorenj. This was an excellent post about online friendships. I recommend that you read it if you haven't already.
Well that post got me thinking about my online friendships. I had been a few social networks before finding Plurk. I had made friends through those networks.
However, when I found Plurk and began to make friends, I found friends who I really enjoyed talking to on a daily basis.
There was something else that was different about this site, the people there are all very understanding, helpful, friendly, open, & giving. I have witnessed over the past month people giving endlessly to others. Most of these people have never met in person yet are willing to go the extra mile to help others out in their time of need. It is truly inspiring. I myself have met a more than a handful of friends whom I adore there. I live for the day when I can meet them all in person. These friends make me laugh until I cry, they make me think, & they inspire and encourage me, and ground me. The early morning conversations I have help me get my day started. Sometimes by the end of the day I have had it and am a little lost and there is always one of my friends there to make me laugh, to just listen to me, or even to ground me. The main adjective that sticks out above all in my mind when thinking of my friends there is kindness. My friends there are all very kind.
Today I felt this kindness in a way I have never felt it before. As you know because I have talked about it openly here, I am trying to improve my eating habits and have started a new healthy lifestyle. So anyway we were stuck at home today because we had a snow storm. No one was out on the roads. The doorbell rang around 3pm. I opened the front door and looked down, there on the porch was a box. A quick thought process through my head left me kind of befuddled because I knew all that I had ordered online had been delivered already. So I closed the door sat down in the living room and pulled open the box and inside was this book.


Needless to say the flood gates opened and I began to cry. I am so touched that one of my closest online friends thought enough of me and my desire for a new healthier lifestyle to stop and take the time, order the book for me and surprise me. I dove into to healthy lifestyle with out much knowledge or direction, I have been soaking up what ever information my friends have been sharing with me. Now I am soaking up this book. I am thrilled beyond belief to have received it. More so, I am thrilled beyond belief for the friendship that I have in the wonderful, inspiring lady who sent it to me. Thank you very much. This to me is just one example of why to me there really isn't such a thing as online friendships, these friendships I share are in my real life, they are happening to me. I am experiencing them all maybe not in person but I am still experiencing them. And let me tell you....it's a damn good experience to have!

Yes I Am!

If I had my choice and an endless supply of money, this is where I would be for the next 18 days. Yes, that's right I am officially on vacation for the next 18 days. I am so excited and really need the break.

I have a few goals for my vacation that I would really love to accomplish. Normally I don't set goals for my vacations other than relaxation but being that Christmas is a week away I have some goals.

Get my shopping done. I can't believe that I still have some left to do. Now the weather is playing a huge roll in my shopping trips. All the sudden we are getting bad weather every other day. Number 1 priority is to get that done.

I also am looking forward to having some good quality family time. We have a huge family and the week between Christmas and New Years is spent every night at someone else's house visiting with them. It is a lot of fun and very relaxing. We really look forward to that time together.

The third goal I have is to stay on my healthy lifestyle change. I am hoping as time goes on it will get easier (although this I doubt). I am determined to stick with this decision and I do believe I started at the right time for myself (although my friends keep telling me I picked the worst time of the year to start). In my head I believe that if I can make it over the holidays without cheating and by making the right choices, that after the New Year it will then be a breeze.

My final goal is to fall back into a normal sleeping cycle. I have been hit by the insomnia bug of late. I am hoping that by being home for more than 2 days straight will help me straighten that little pattern out.

So there you have it my vacation plans. What do you look forward to most over the holidays? What ever you look forward to I hope you have a blessed holiday season.

TT ~ #6

Here it is. If you know me in rl or from the interwebs you know what I'm up too this week. It was high time I got my act together. Funny how one person's words can trigger something inside you. What ever it takes. That being said here is my Thursday Thirteen. My favorite foods that I wish I was still eating.

Donuts!!

Bagel....any kind of bagel, with melted butter or cream cheese

Soda, yes it's a drink but I quit cold turkey and I could really use one right about now

Cap'n Crunch Cereal, my favorite morning breakfast

Fried Chicken

My Mom's macaroni and cheese

Eggs and waffles together...waffles homemade

Lasagna

Pizza

Chocolate Cake

Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cheetos

Death by Chocolate Ice Cream by Turkey Hill

A Girl Can Dream Can't She?

For Your Enjoyment!

Monday Morning Christmas Meme

Monday Christmas Meme!

Have You Ever?

Built a snowman? Absolutely

Heard Santa’s sleigh? Of course

Seen Santa & Rudolph in the sky? Every year on Rudolph

Sat on Santa’s lap? Yes

Shoveled the driveway/sidewalk? Absolutely and snowblows it too!

Made snow angels? YES, YES, YES!!

Built a fort/igloo? Yes

Wrote a Christmas list? Seriously? Of course who hasn't?

Wrote a letter to Santa? Again you are asking me this? Yes of course!

Left cookies/milk for Santa & reindeer? Yes when I was a kid, now we put out cookies and juice because Santa gets tired of all the milk, plus we put carrots out for the reindeer!

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Absolutely

Went caroling? Every year!

Got hurt during the winter season? Yes first solo ride on my flexible flyer ended up in emergency surgery with a ruptured spleen.

Gone ice skating/sledding? Yes and Yes, we have a great homemade rink just a couple of miles from our house.

Kissed under a mistletoe? Yes and kissed under other things too!

Experienced/saw a miracle happen? Yes I believe so but will not speak about it.

Get everything you wanted for Christmas? Yes I can never remember being disappointed come on I'm the baby of the family.

Cooked/baked? Hello....are you new to the party, I am a Mother, it's in the contract.

One or the Other....

Tree is fake/real? Grew up with a real one but when my daughter was 2 we had to go with an artificial because of her allergies.

Tree is under/above 4′? Over.

Open presents Christmas Eve/Day? Christmas morning.

House/entire yard is decorated? Yes, and yes.

Amount of presents under the tree? Depends on what is asked for usually 15-20.

Snowman is a male/female? Ummmm.....I'm not sure but I think we always make the Snow"man".
Go for Santa/Jesus? Well the day is all about the birth of Christ. So yes it would be Jesus.

Homemade/delivered/takeout Christmas dinner? Has never ever had take out on Christmas.

Bedtime is before/after midnight? Way after midnight for me.

Wake-up is before/after 7am? My daughter is an early riser, usually by 6am. We open 1 gift each and then stop for breakfast.

Go/don’t go to church on Christmas? We always attend on Christmas Eve Mass.

Pray & sing Happy Birthday/do nothing before bed? Sing Christmas songs and then pray right before bed. We sing Happy Birthday on Christmas morning for Jesus.

Do shopping before/after Thanksgiving? I shop all year long, when I see it I get it.

Low-key/over the top decorations (inside and out)? Now we are pretty low key and hopefully tasteful. At least I try to be.

Work Comes Before Success

I'm drained both emotionally and physically from this wonderful weekend, so today I'll just give you some shots I snapped that did happen to turn out decently. I hope you enjoy them.

Deep Traditions

Arrival at the gate

Walking on campus

.....and they lived happily ever after....

These records of Olympic proportions will not fall easily. You should see the program from the meet....Michael holds about 8 records in every age group since he was 8 years old. Amazing....simply amazing.

Katie Hoff relaxing on deck. You see, the thing that makes this sport so different from others is the promotion of it. I watched in awe over the past two days as Katie Hoff was on deck. She sat with her North Baltimore team. She talked with anyone who came up to her, she signed endless autographs, posed for endless photos...and at the end of of 500 free she got out of the pool started walking away, various children all from different clubs came up to her to congratulate her and she stopped and talked to them all. She is an amazing athlete in every sense of the word.

The reason we were here. Last night we got back to the hotel got back into the the room she sat down on the couch next to me and uttered these words..."Mom, I don't want this weekend to end."

Words cannot express how incredibly lucky we are to have been here this weekend. I am happy that I could have shared some of it with you but I am sure I have not done it nearly the justice it deserves.

Perspective

Yesterday I had the time of my life. Emotions ran the gambit. The day was one of the best of my life and also one of the most draining.

I took a around 200 photographs (yeah I'm crazy like that) and was so excited to get them on the computer and take a look. What happened next I was not expecting....I was disappointed....very disappointed. Lousy photographs <-------mood killer. I am still perplexed and upset. I really have no clue what I am doing wrong. I have been scouring the interwebs to find some elusive answers to my questions. So today I will go forward and try to correct the wrong, shake things up and try to do a better job at preserving the memories.

Once I realized how the photographs let me down then I also realized I needed to get a blog post done for today. I opened the new blog post page and sat with fingers on keys and could not come up with one thing to say. So I went to my go to page for inspiration.
I gave a shout out to my pleeps and hoped for some inspiration. The inspiration came in the subtle ass kicking from a good friend "You and your daughter were in the same building as the greatest swimmer the world has ever known and you got nothing?"
Perspective.
Right when I needed it most.
I read that response and was very thankful. My thankfulness was more than two fold. I'll admit it. I need a good kick in the ass more often than most people do. I have a hard time seeing what is right in front of me, more than most people do. A lot of the time I need to pick myself up by the boot straps and don't realize it until one of my friends tells me to. So if you see me and I'm struggling just give me a good kick in the ass. Please don't be surprised when I thank you for it.

Breakfast of Champions

After a brutal drive in the pouring rain we have made it to Annapolis and the US Naval Academy. I will be spending many hours over the next three days sitting right over there in those bleachers. I will have my camera in tow and be snapping away at everything thing I see that I think is shot worthy. I have to admit that I am all kinds of giddy with excitement. I can't wait to see my daughter swim. I can't wait to see Annapolis and all it has to offer. Last but not least I can't wait to see our friends enjoy some nice dinners out with them this weekend.





Speaking of food....I thought I would show you my daughters main meal for the next three days....The breakfast, lunch and dinner of Champions!

TT ~ #5

Today marks the beginning and the end for me. Those of you who know me know I have been struggling of late. So after a disastrous day today I have made a couple (well actually 13) decisions.





Today marks the first day where stress will not effect me in any way, easier said than done I know but you have to do what you have to do, and you must start somewhere.

I will lay down and go to sleep.

I will not let people run all over me.

I will not lose my patience.

I will let the little things go.

I will not be perfect to everyone all the time.

I will eat more nutritional foods.

I will go back to the gym.

I will not let insomnia rule my mind and body.

I will change my method of thinking.

I will start all of this by looking in the mirror.

I will now say the word NO and mean it.

I will from this moment on not talk about my insomnia and issues with my inability to sleep at night or any other time of the day here on this blog or anywhere else. Hopefully if I let it go it too will let me go.....






**One note to my readers, I will not be around this weekend, I have all intentions to post to my blog, however, it may not be possible. Please forgive me if I do not get something new posted until Monday again.**

WW ~ #6 THIS FRIDAY BABY!

Right Here In River City

Yes sir, trouble has come my way. I knew it was knocking on my door. I knew it was coming. I should have prepared. I was warned but did not head the warning. I caught hell. Rightly so? I guess but I'll never admit that to the one who caught me. Hey....never let em know when you sweat. Here is the list of the culprits: a cell phone, and non existent landline, & a panicked preteen. The only other thing that I am going to add to this story (yes, it's my story and I'm sticking to it!) is that I will be traveling tomorrow after work to the Verizon Store for a purchase.

"It is a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you yourself and no one else has made it." ~ Sophocles

Thoughts

So here it is today I just have so much going on in my head that I have decided that I need to get it all out and start over with a fresh "empty" head. Will it work? I have not a clue but there is no harm in trying.

Why?

Should I really be doing laundry on a Sunday?

What the hell is a whack? Why do we say something is out of whack? I often have wondered this and now it's time to let it go....

Do I really control my own destiny or can someone come into my personal space and totally screw it up for me?

Why do the Eagles suck so bad this year? It pains me to sit and watch them every Sunday it really does.

Please no snow at the end of this week.

Have you ever met someone and had an immediate connection with them for some unexplainable reason? I have and did this weekend...strange it really is, strange and wonderful at the same time.

Should I make the pork roast with apples and brown sugar or w/ my secret cream of mushroom soup recipe tonight for dinner....scroll down for the winner!

I am quite sure that Johnny Cash's cover of the song Hurt originally done by NIN is the best cover of all time. The video kicks some major ass too!





Honey I love you so much, but your getting on my nerves get your butt out of my kitchen!

2 more weeks and then I have 18 count them 18 days off in a row! That's right I said 18 baby!

Why does a salad always taste better when someone else makes it?

Please no snow at the end of this week.

Why can't I take a better photograph? What do I need to do different?

This is nice....watching a movie with Preteen.

I need to get back in the gym.

Which parents do I have coming in my classroom tomorrow?

I love to cook but hate to do the dishes, can I afford to have a maid here now? How much does a maid cost? Can I sneak one in once a week?

Please no snow at the end of this week.

Oh and the winner was pork roast with my cream of mushroom recipe, homemade apple sauce (see I used the apples) scalloped potatoes and chocolate chip muffins for desert.

Sundaes Are On Vacation For A Week!

Tonight I made an executive decision. This week Sundaes Are For Sharing is going to be on Vacation. It takes me a REALLY long time to pull the Sundaes Posts together and quite frankly I didn't have the time or the energy to do it. So it will return next week. So instead tonight I'm just going share with you a few things that today made me smile.


I was lucky enough to go shopping with out a husband or daughter in tow.

We ate dinner tonight at my favorite Tavern and I had the portobello pannino and it was yummy!

The Florida Gators won today which made a bunch of my Florida friends very happy which in turn made me smile.

When we got out of church tonight everything was white. Christmas music was lofting from a local store through the town which put me very much in the Christmas spirit.

A online friend turned me on to a new (to me) music site being the music junkie that I am I spent the rest of the day and night there loading videos and songs onto my profile. <------- Big Big Smile on that one! Thank you Sprezz.







I picked out a Newbery Award Winning book for my daughter today at B & N. Low and behold I scored big time, the book all 304 pages of it was read before bed tonight!


What made you smile yesterday? Today?

Awake and Dreaming......

To sleep

O soft embalmer of the still midnight,
Shutting, with careful fingers and benign,
Our gloom-pleased eyes, embowered from the light,
Enshaded in forgetfulness divine:
O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close,
In midst of this thine hymn, my willing eyes,
Or wait the «Amen», ere thy hoppy throws
Around my bed its lulling charities.
Then save me, or the passed day will shine
Upon my pillow, breeding many woes, -
Save me from curious conscience, that still lords
Its strength for darkness, bun-owing like a mole;
Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards,
And. seal the hushed casket of my soul.

John Keats

Now I lay me down to sleep?
How I wish this sleep I could keep
all I ask is for 4 straight hours
I wish the Lord to give me the power
So if you see me staring in the night
please don't ask me to turn off the light
For I am awake dreaming of the night
when I can sleep straight through
to the next day's sunlight

Growing Pains

I'm so over this week. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I try my best to stay positive but sometimes you just hit a wall. I have taken all night to put together a musical post for tomorrow. I listened to youtube almost all night, looked at lyrics and finally put a post together and then decided it wasn't me. It wasn't my voice, it wasn't what I had inside of me that I had to get out. So on the shelf it went, saved for another day.
I have been "stewing" for the past few weeks with some issues with my 12 year old preteen who is now becoming her own self. The preverbal shit hit the fan yesterday when I picked her up from school. I knew right away when she opened the door to the car that something was wrong. Being one who can't keep anything on her chest she let it fly. "I have my test folder." "Oh well that's good" I said.
Sidebar: we NEVER see the test folder, for some reason this year her teacher only sends home the tests about every 4 weeks because "Well we don't have that many and I hate to send it home for only a few tests."
Ok back to the story. "No Mom that's not good." "Why not?" I asked. "I have 3 tests in 3 different subjects that are in the 80's!" Silence. Again silence. I can not speak until I collect my madness into a good lump and then I let it fly, which by the way did fly later that night by both me and her Dad.
Sidebar again: Preteen has never received any grade below an A on her report cards since she has started school. She is an excellent student, she always has been, I credit most of that to her love of reading from a very early age and playing the piano from also a very young age both I think aided her education from the onset.
Back to the story, so yes this is a BIG DEAL. The grades are only half of the story, she has decided that yes she knows more than me and her father, she has decided that she doesn't need to listen to other adults, she can throw her opinions into the ring and everything becomes a debate of which she thinks she wins them all. She is in a very small class and a private school, so it is a very intimate class room situation and the rules are very liberal, so opinions are appreciated but rules still need to be followed. You cannot think that you can tell the teacher what you are going to do instead of the teacher telling you what you should do. Please don't be mistaken Preteen is a great kid. Does her homework with out any prompting from either parent. She is a dedicated athlete and is gone 6 nights a week proving her dedication to her sport. Volunteers at church. But it seems as if she is getting lost in the world that is opening up to her now that she is growing up.
So, I am lost in my thoughts wondering when did I lose my little girl. From day one I have taught respect, thoughtfulness, appreciation, discipline among a myriad of other things that seemed to have been lost by the roadside somewhere. How do I help her gain them back? You see it's not just about the grades it's about growing up and growing into a teenager and doing it with poise and grace. I guess all we can do is what we have done from day one, teach by example, but man some days I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and like I am failing miserably.

TT ~ #4

Thursday Thirteen featuring 13 things I really enjoy:

Sunday mornings when I don't have to get up for church

Intelligent conversation

Any night that I don't have to drive my child or various others to practice

Channel surfing and stumbling across a great movie that I have never seen before

Date night with my husband

Snow days

Music lofting through the house

Taking photographs

Monday mornings when I have off from work

A night out with our good friends

Getting lost in a good book

My daughter telling me she loves me

Beer in my hand, toes in the sand, tropical beach paradise!

Educate Yourself ~ WW #5 ~ Video Edition

Sometimes You Don't Need Words.....

50 Cent



LL Cool J





Amos Lee


John Coltrane

I hope that this will whisk you away if only for a minute. I love you to the moon and back & I am keeping you both in my prayers.