I went home......

Photo courtesy of Southern House Plans

I am stuck in a rut. I am in a funk that I can't seem to shake for some reason. I have stared at this blank blog page for the last 4 nights and I have started what has seemed like 400 posts. For some reason I can't get the words to flow together.

So I wandered off last night and decided to take a trip home.

The home I went to was not a "real" or "tangible" home. It was not a house. The home I went to was in my head. I closed my eyes and took my trip back. I relived so many memories saw so many faces that have long gone by. Wondering...... I sat wondering for what seemed like hours, what had happened to them all. I wanted to go back. I wanted to be little again. I wanted to be carefree, to let go. I wanted so badly to be 9 again.

I walked up in my mind and sat on the front porch. There was a nice slow summer afternoon rain. My eyes still closed I began to cry.

I could see everything in my mind as if it was right in front on me and I could reach out and touch it. I ran through the house chasing my brother and sisters, screaming and yelling having so much fun. I wanted to be there again. I want to be there again.
When I finally opened my eyes and stopped crying I sat on the couch for a long time, alone, in the dark, in the peace and quiet of the night.

I have no clue why I went back. I don't know what I was looking for. I don't know why I felt so badly that I needed to go there. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I know that I still have those fond memories, that I can pull them out whenever I want, to go back, feel the security of my carefree youth again.

Maybe it's just that I am emotionally tired of all the adult grown-up crap that I have to deal with everyday. I don't know.

They say you can't go home again.....they are wrong. I can. I really can.