"I just want one more weekend...."

"I know and I don't want to call because I just want one more weekend of being a healthy person."

That was the quote my Dad said to me when I spoke to him on Friday. The results of his pathology report were supposed to be ready by last Tuesday. He didn't want to call the doctor. My whole family were all waiting. I called him Friday while on the way out of town to try to get him to call, to no avail and just said "Okay Dad but you know, I think it's going to be pretty positive news."

My Dad called today for his results. It was the opposite, it was not good news. He knew all along. He told me so several times over the past 2 weeks. I refused to believe him. I feel terrible for trying to push him into getting the results he didn't want to hear. My head is so jammed with thoughts, I don't even know how to process all of this. Why didn't I prepare myself for this? Who was I kidding? I just hope I don't stay this lost for too long, God give me the strength.

Jesus Walks
Partial lyrics by Kanye West

God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long