I was tagged by one of my favorite Plurker friends Atropos, over on his blog the Ministry of Cats to do this wonderful Me(nage) en triox.Never one to pass up a good tagging I was happy to oblige. Away we go!
Three names that I go by: Mom Mother topsurf
Three jobs that I have had in my life: Produce Manager Teacher Art Auction Chairperson
Three places I have lived: Baltimore Maryland Manassas Virginia Silver Spring Maryland
Three favorite drinks: Iced tea Gin & tonic Beer
Three TV shows that I watch: Big Bang Theory CBS Sunday Morning 30 Rock
Three places I have been: London England Paris France Orlando Florida
Three people that email me or fb message me regularly: My mom My best friend My Boss
Three of my favorite restaurants: Sapore Patsy's in NYC The 110
Three friends I hope will respond: I have no expectations.
Three things I'm looking forward to: Next week's trip to Baltimore The following week's trip to Penn State A quiet weekend where there is absolutely nothing to do on my family's schedule.
I am stuck in a rut. I am in a funk that I can't seem to shake for some reason. I have stared at this blank blog page for the last 4 nights and I have started what has seemed like 400 posts. For some reason I can't get the words to flow together.
So I wandered off last night and decided to take a trip home.
The home I went to was not a "real" or "tangible" home. It was not a house. The home I went to was in my head. I closed my eyes and took my trip back. I relived so many memories saw so many faces that have long gone by. Wondering...... I sat wondering for what seemed like hours, what had happened to them all. I wanted to go back. I wanted to be little again. I wanted to be carefree, to let go. I wanted so badly to be 9 again.
I walked up in my mind and sat on the front porch. There was a nice slow summer afternoon rain. My eyes still closed I began to cry.
I could see everything in my mind as if it was right in front on me and I could reach out and touch it. I ran through the house chasing my brother and sisters, screaming and yelling having so much fun. I wanted to be there again. I want to be there again. When I finally opened my eyes and stopped crying I sat on the couch for a long time, alone, in the dark, in the peace and quiet of the night.
I have no clue why I went back. I don't know what I was looking for. I don't know why I felt so badly that I needed to go there. I'm glad I did. I'm glad I know that I still have those fond memories, that I can pull them out whenever I want, to go back, feel the security of my carefree youth again.
Maybe it's just that I am emotionally tired of all the adult grown-up crap that I have to deal with everyday. I don't know.
They say you can't go home again.....they are wrong. I can. I really can.
We had a simply incredible weekend of swimming. There were many highs and lows but overall it was a very respectable showing by my daughter and hard work and dedication paid off for her. She had her best finishes ever in the finals all three nights and we left Penn State exhausted and worn out. There were so many lessons learned it is hard to sort through them and keep them all straight, but I know as time goes on the experience she gained this weekend will carry on with her for the rest of her life and she will be able to draw on it for the future.
She loves swimming so much and it is awesome to be able to get in the car after a long weekend such as this and have her sit in the back seat and tell you that she can't wait to get back at it for the next meeting coming up in two weeks even in the midst of all of her exhaustion. Because of her great time in the backstroke this weekend she has qualified for another meet that we added to the agenda in August, so our season just got extended by a few days again but that is a good thing.
Next up North Baltimore, then 1 day after we return from there it's back to Penn State for the Middle Atlantic Zones Meet, then we will officially be done until September rolls back around. WHEW!
We arrived by 1:15pm today. She races at 5:30 the first of 12 events over the next 4 days. Up tonight is the 400Freestyle. We are shooting for a better time in hopes of making the Middle Atlantic Zones meet in August. No matter what the outcome is, we are proud. So many goals, so many achievements. It's a good thing!
It's been a while since I've posted a Thursday Thunks so I'd thought I'd hit them up for a change. This Thursday Thunks is brought to you by Berleen, the number 141 and the color of your underwear. So without further ado away we go!
Do you tend to have a guilty conscious? Not unless I have reason to.
Do you still have your wisdom teeth? I never had my wisdom teeth. Lucky me I guess!
Peanut butter- creamy or crunchy? Depends- if it's on celery then creamy if it's on bread then I love the crunchy!
Get up off your butt. Take 5 steps. Which foot do you start out on? Left foot.
What color is your favorite kitchen utensil? Black.
Did you watch the Michael Jackson memorial/funeral? No.
Do you know anyone who graduated from High School this year? Were you invited to their graduation party? Did you go? Yes. Yes. Yes.
White with black stripes or black with white stripes? Black with white stripes.
If you were to call your sixth grade teacher what would they say about you? Probably that I was very social.
Can you draw a perfect circle? With some practice, maybe.
What's your favorite scratch and sniff sticker scent? Should I have one?
What does your sibling do for a living? Which one? My sister is a Vice President for a national mortgage company.
How many light switches and electrical outlets are in the room that you are in right now? 5 electrical outlets and two light switches.
Do you know sign language? I used to but now I can only remember some random letters of the alphabet.
Do you step on the cracks in the sidewalk? If I am thinking about it no I do not. Step on a crack break your mothers back!
And the sheets on your bed look like? Hunter green and beige stripes.
What is something that everyone else has but you don't? A love for facebook apps and games.
Over the course of the next two weeks you will have to call me back. I will not be home. As the days go on the plans continually change because of unforeseen issues causing me to hit the road.
I will embarking on a trip to the land of spoiled this weekend. My Dad is having some health issues and I need to get some questions answered and see things for myself. However endearing it is that your parents want to protect you from all things bad, it's not so endearing as you get older and are looking out for their best interest.
Answers I need answers.
Next week, midweek, we leave for Junior Olympics so the minisurf can do her thing in the water.
She is at the top of her age group and everyone has high expectations for her and what she can achieve. She has been deflecting all kinds of JO's talk for days now which is the norm for her. Needless to say it will be a very tense week leading up to the meet. She has her routine before a big meet and we all respect her and what she does to get herself prepared.
No matter what happens in the water she has a had a great swimming season this year both in short course and long course, we are very proud of her and her achievements.
We will be spending 5 days at Happy Valley which is not only the home of the best college football team-Penn State, but also home to one of the best creameries in the country. DEATH BY CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM here I come!!! Yes, the creamery is right across from the pool, so I have plans to hit that creamery on a daily basis.
I was in the shower this morning thinking. It's where I do my best thinking btw.Shut.it. Anyway so I was adding up the days in my head and I came to realize that I now have only 4 more weeks and swimming will be done until September!!!
Big deal right? NO it's a HUGE deal. No more waking up at the ass crack of dawn to drive for 45 minutes ONE way to swim in a outdoor pool, rain or shine and then not to return home until after 11 am. Which btw makes you feel like half your day is already shot. No more leaving the house at 5:30pm for swimming at night until 8pm!! Did you see what I said back there...."NO MORE!!"
Okay so I know I'm not the one doing all the swimming but I have to tell you that the driving gets to you after a while and all this hurry up to get there on time just to sit and wait for 2-3 hours begins to get on your nerves. The only downside I can think of with not having to go to swimming for 3 weeks it will take away my quality walking time. I spend most of the practices walking, it's my "me" time. I throw the iTouch in my ears and walk, and walk and walk. I will miss that time to myself.
I am however, looking forward to family dinners at a decent hour and all together. I love to be able to break bread with all of us together at the same time where we can discuss what went on in our day with each other. I am also looking forward to being able to cook dinner. I love to cook and hate not being able to put together a big meal every night.
So in essence I guess what I am saying is that our summer officially will begin the second week of August and for those three golden weeks we will be a normal family. At least until September rolls around and it all starts up all over again!
I totally lost my composure this morning. I am ashamed and very saddened by my behavior. I'm so upset and mad at myself. It is not something I will soon forget.
I was buried in getting ready for 3 BBQ's, cutting, chopping, baking, and cooking like a mad woman all morning. Finally finishing up by cutting up fresh fruit for a fruit salad when approached by my daughter asking me to make her a sandwich to which I replied that I was busy. I also added that "you are almost 13 I think a cheese sandwich is one thing you can handle on your own by now." Back to cutting up my fruit and listening to her beg for a sandwich while she was struggling with getting her hair perfect for the day's festivities.
So I gave in and made the sandwich while she was in the bathroom. When she came out to make her own sandwich and I told her "no I made you one" instead of her being happy and thankful she came in the family room and said to me "I can't eat this it has the crust on it!" You read that right it had the crust on it. She has been a no crust eater since I can remember and for the most part I have always made sandwiches w/ out the crust but lately I have been telling her she is too old to be eating like that.
I then had officially lost it. I had had enough. I lost my composure. I screamed and I yelled my head off. I let it all out I put the fear of God in her eyes. It was the first time I have ever seen a face like that from her. I feel like shit. I feel like I'm in quicksand and can't get a hand out.
I believe with this episode that has just transpired I figured out what I might be doing wrong. I am struggling so hard to keep the lines of communication open as she edges her way into the teenage years that I have been treating her more of a friend than as a daughter. I only hope that it's not too late to put my Mom hat on and leave the friendship wait until she gets older and has a family of her own.
Although I believe I have had a revelation which is great, I feel like shit. I'm so upset with myself on so many levels. I hope I can clean up the mess I have made. I feel like I have let her down and myself down. I have always said that I really don't care if I get to my deathbed and look back on my life and have regrets for myself but one thing I have never wanted to have is regrets concerning my parenting choices. I guess now I can add one regret to that list, I just hope I can straighten the course and sort through the mess I have made and work it all out. I guess only time will tell. I just can't believe how I have messed up. I'm so disappointed in myself.
My head is exploding. I am having a hard time adjusting. Here's the deal. I have never worked during the summer. Okay well I lied. I actually did when I was in high school and before I got married. Howeverafter I got married and became pregnant I quit working to stay home with our baby.
When I finally went back to work it was as a teacher so I had the summers off. I love my summers. Sleeping in. No schedule. Pool parties in the back yard. Come and go as you like.
This year everything has changed. College education is looming. Do you know how expensive college is these days? So I have made the painful decision to work over the summer months.
*GASP*
*GASP*
Crazy I know. Who would have thought that after 12 years with summers off this would be so hard for me? Here we are a month into the summer already and I still have a hard time getting motivated to go to work.
Just a little fyi....I love the job, it's awesome. I have learned so much while doing it. I couldn't be happier while doing it. Oh and one more little fact I neglected to mention I work from home. I know I know what more could I want?
I realize in this economy I am very lucky to have such an opportunity. There is enough work at this job that I could probably work 40+ a week if I so desired. I am very blessed to have such an opportunity.
So why I am bitching? Why am I whining? What's my problem? What the hell? I'm not sure. The summer schedule might be a slight reason why I am whining. Schedule...see that word isn't supposed to be in the same sentence with the word summer. I just need to suck it up and get with the program and quit my bitching.
So after I hit publish on this post I will not complain again about this subject. I will embrace this opportunity (as I know I should be doing anyway) rather then bitch about it.
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